


The Longer it Cuts, The More Painful it Burns

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Langst, M/M, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, ending unclear, literally just me venting into a story form, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 16:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12193317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was unlike Lance to get wasted at 1:30 AM on a Tuesday.





	The Longer it Cuts, The More Painful it Burns

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally just me venting about my own personal feelings irl. it's hard to come to realisations and i don't know any other way to deal with them besides this. i don't trust most of my friends with this so i vent in the only way i know how. maybe some of you can relate to lance as i can.

It was unlike Lance to be getting wasted at 1:30 AM on a Tuesday.

Stress was eating him alive. There were probably three important tests tomorrow, at least five assignments due, and on top of that swim practice. Usually, or at least a month ago, all the business and pressure would have made Lance feel alive and buzzed with excitement. Now, he just doesn’t care.

It’s not like he hates swimming- in fact, he loved it since he first saw it in the Olympics at four years old- he just wasn’t as invested into it anymore. Lately, practice has felt more like a drag than the only place that helped him release his emotions and stress. Lance tried to explain this to his parents but they wouldn’t listen, dismissing it by saying things like _“You’re just saying that because other people are.”_ and _“You don’t really mean it, you’re just exhausted.”_ All bullshit claims. He meant every last word, even if it was all just in his head. After all, depression doesn’t spare the things you enjoyed once to help you feel better about yourself, nor does it convince your parents to listen to you. Lance just wasn’t getting any better and he was falling behind- with friends, in swimming, and in his studies.

Swimming wasn’t just the only factor- in fact, it was one of the lesser reasons for his state of mind. The main reason was because of somebody.

Two somebodies.

Two somebodies that are a package together.

Dating. The main cause was because or dating, and it wasn’t even his own relationship. It was two of his best friends’. One of which he’s liked for years yet was never satisfied with him.

Since the day Lance met him, he liked Keith. At first it was just platonically, but over time- within a year or so- it became more. Within two years it wasn’t just a small crush but a huge one. A huge one that he didn’t know how to deal with because back then, Lance was taught that _it_ \- two guys liking each other- was an abomination. Keith wasn’t even gay then, yet Lance was still falling hard. It was only fifth grade.

He tried for years to convince himself it was a simple crush, but deep down Lance knew it was much more than that. You don’t just like someone for seven or eight years straight and still try to say the last time you liked them was elementary school. It was a lie, but a lie that Keith bought into, and that made things much worse.

Lance knew he had no chance. He tried to fill the void with other girlfriends and boyfriends but none of them were satisfactory enough. Keith was the only one he could picture himself happy with. Yet the only person Keith was ever truly happy with was Shiro, his boyfriend of about three years. Lance loved those two together, don’t get him wrong. In fact, pressuring them into admitting their painful pining was part of the reason they even got together. Shiro and Keith fit perfectly together, like two pieces of a puzzle. Keith and himself were two puzzle pieces of different size, different shape, and a different story.

Lance was aware of all this. He knew he never had a chance and never will. Despite his flamboyance being responsible for Keith realising he was gay himself, Keith was never gay for Lance. He was just gay. Gay and in love with Shiro, a perfect man who loves him back. A perfect man whose personality perfectly balances out Keith’s flaws- which Lance never saw as flaws but beautiful, complicated blemishes that made up who Keith was as a person.

Lance and Keith just didn’t fit. Keith was too sensitive and temperamental, and Lance was too quickly agitated. They butted heads a lot, but they still cared for each other. Just not in the way Shiro knows how to care for Keith, helping him get through his tough episodes by saying just the right things- things Lance means to say but can’t get out correctly. In this world, intent doesn’t matter, what you say or do does. He has no right to complain and he knows it. There was always just a part of Lance that allowed him to sit in self-pity, thinking about how unfair the world is and how it should be how he wants it, even though Lance knows it’s out of his control. But he can’t help feeling miserable.

It helps him cope.

At one time, was unlike Lance to be getting wasted at 1:30 AM on a Tuesday, but times have changed a lot. So there he was, sobbing into his right hand in the corner of his locked bedroom, clutching a half-empty bottle of vodka in his left. He thought long and hard about Keith and Shiro. He thought long and hard about the pact he made with Keith when they were eleven about marrying each other if they’re both still single by forty, a pact seemingly meaningless to Keith but full of hope to Lance. He thought long and hard about how Shiro explained to him why he was so afraid to be intimate with Keith, because if anyone knew anything about him it was Lance.

He thought long and hard about his selfish attempt to sabotage their relationship Monday afternoon, an unsettling mixture of guilt and pleasure filling him as he did so. Lance tried his best to be nice- he really did- but the realisation that someone you’ve loved for years will never love you back is enough to drive anyone to finding satisfaction in someone who has unknowingly caused you so much pain to tears. Lance knew his own selfish desires was breaking their friendship apart, yet he really just wanted all the pain to be over. He just wanted a big falling out to happen that finally destroys whatever positive feelings between them existed so he didn’t have to suffer anymore.

Lance thought long and hard about his choices and made a decision, rationalising it by saying that letting Keith know what he feels and cutting ties with him forever would be for the best. After all, it’s best to remove a knife from your skin before it cuts too deep and hurts you forever. There will still be scarring from it, but it won’t kill you- at least, it won’t if you decide to let go soon enough.

The longer it cuts, the more painful it burns, but the pain will subside if you remove the knife soon enough. And sooner is always better than later when it comes to situations like this.

Right?


End file.
